Monday, February 26, 2007

நான் யார்?

அல்லியில் பிறந்து கில்லியில் மிரண்டு
பள்ளியில் பயின்று கல்வியில் சிறந்து
வில்லியில் தொடர்ந்து கள்ளியில் களைந்து
வள்ளியில் வளைந்து மல்லியில் முடிந்து
சுள்ளியில் சுடர்ந்து ஜல்லியில் கடைந்து
பணியில் முயன்று கணிணியில் உயர்ந்து
உரியவள் விரல்பட வழியினில் விழியுடன்
காலம் பொறுக்கும் சான்றோன் நானே!

அல்லி - Triplicane
கில்லி - Collective representation of street cricket, gilli, bambaram n hand-tennis tat i played in scool days
வில்லி - Someone who terrified my view on girls
கள்ளி - Result of extermes of love
வள்ளி - My love ...
மல்லி - ... tat is past
சுள்ளி - poonal yaagam
ஜல்லி - the flat that i bot
பணி - my work
கணிணி - the computer

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Romeo In Me

1. No portion of this blog is written with sex in mind. If it has that shade, it is only to validate a viewpoint.
2. This blog is not ranting r cribbing (polambal). I wrote this when I was excited and not a bit sad (forced to add this coz ppl thot i was doin so. There are no references to my past, whatsoever)
3. Facts have always proved so far that Sravan and love is a dangerous combination.

I feel romantic, to be extremely specific. The romeo in me (don' laugh ok? everyone is) is in a hyper terrific state to fall out and take over the dutiful dedicated-to-work me. I can literally feel the high levels of pheromones - all this in a sudden surge. Love is being pumped out of my heart at the rate of 500 roses per second, but there is none to give them to. But why? I had succeeded in pushing the romeo to one corner of my heart, and ordered him not to come back for a long long time in the future till I release his locks, till when I feel I am ready for another relationship. He has been obedient so far and promised to stay inside the dark cell. Though he needs a little walk and light now and then (which I make sure is allowed, but far below the normal needs) in the form of ogling and let-the-looks-be-there, I have definitely curbed his activities to a large extent. And it is paving results. But why this sudden shift in the metabolism now?

Hormonal Shifts! They are a part and parcel of everyone's life at all stages. We grow up without realizing these, that they become an inherent part of the metabolic system. Most of these shifts add to your vitality but others serve good enough to bog you down. Some are even dangerous if allowed to interact. The normal mortal is simply unaware of these silent fundamentals of a living being most of the times. I watch couples in the road moving along with grace and smiles, but all I see through them is the pheromone in action. I see my friends stressed in life and understand how much cortisol their adrenal cortex must be producing. Depression is a daily affair for most people and is a part of the common man's life. Mood shift is a very common phenomenon during the pre/post menstruation stage in most women. (btw, before i forget, there is this PMS community in orkut. I feel neutral about its existence, but I guess women in orkut would be better off without it). Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Sexuality, Cordiality, Loathe - All these are effects of these silent secretions in the infinite body. And these control our life - Or should I say, these are life?

I have managed to stay lonely most of these days and started enjoying and accepting it as the most important reason for my living. I see myself when I am lonely. I see a purpose in the world around me. Loneliness has taught me to be one with my soul and to watch every step and realize the consequences. It has taught me to trust the mind than the heart. It has reinforced my belief in logic and has made me proud of my actions. Loneliness has also taught me to understand the basics of life. But this is a lovely evening in the late feb, ideal for a hand-in-hand walk along the beach, a slow shallow swim in the pool, a candle-light dinner followed by an exhausting night. I can find the pink shades resurfacing in the dark corner - the need for light, the crave for love, the principality of group living, the fundamentality for someone to care for you.

But after all this loneliness and jailing of the bugger, why does he want to resurface now? Companionship! I guess that's the basic necessity of most living things around. This is the sole reason I believe in marriage from the Indian society viewpoint. But still dude, this is not the time for you to emerge from your exile. I prefer to be this lonely duty-conscious, overworking, focussed individual right now - without a damsel to fallback for support. I am yet to learn the remaining of those that are to be learnt without a woman beside and that includes getting used to the ups and downs in one's own heart and the feelings that it generates towards oneself. You destroy my loneliness. You make me want the woman I most want. You make my heart beat faster and pump the roses. You make me feel blooming and happy. You give me goosebumps. You make me attractive and I hate you most for that right now.

Listen, I hate myself and that's the best thing I love about myself - very few people have the audacity to hate themselves and accept the fact. Contradicting personalities make me what I am. There is so much of diversity within myself that I will remain incomprehensible throughout my life. So, Mr. Romeo, your time is still far ahead in the future, wait in patience! I would let you know when you have to come back and take over me, but till then, hibernate! And Ms. Juliet, wherever and whoever you are, do wait too, it's worth it.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

weekend blues - part 2

Somewhere near Arakkonam
8.34 AM

Pondicherry is an awesome union territory, if you know what to look for. The area bordering Tamilnadu was quite the same as the rest of Tamilnadu. But as you go deeper into this place, the landscape and the feel changes drastically. Particularly, as you move towards the beach, the layout is typical non-indian. A crisscross of roads which are filled with intersections and long lengths. The names are pretty funny to read with 'Rue' (Road in french) prefixed to the tamil names - Rue Muthumariamman kovil, Rue Dupoy, for examples. The beach side is pretty fascinating and as I sat in La Cafe that morning on the 10th of feb, for a coffee, overlooking the beach, I felt the same way I always feel when I see water - an internal uprising - to be one with the waves and move along the flowing ripples.

The whole day in pondy was spent moving around and making sure stuffs are fine for the evening show. The music show is named 'Sec Sat Pondy' - a fusion musical show conducted for free in collaboration with the tourism department. This show brings together to the audience, a wide range of music - ranging from carnatic to rock. Ajay Nithyanandham played some of his original tracks while neverek rocked the audience with a stunning performance.

The bus travel to chennai was uneventful. Thankfully, I wasnt bored. Slept till mahabs and saw kaakha kaakha til Chennai. Sunday was the same, watched Deepavali, the movie was very bad. Let's not even talk about it. On my way back to Bangalore now. Monday was quite productive - I have leads for both the unknown issues I had last week in the project. Hoping things will be solved this week.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day and am not looking forward to it.

keep smilin,

Saturday, February 10, 2007

weekend blues - part 1

Somewhere near Vellore
6.03 PM

Travelling in a train seems to be a pleasant experience after all, atlast. With a plug for my mobile charger, a Tamilnadu SIM in the mobile, the laptop on my lap and music in my ears, I seem to be wired and well connected to the world around me. Sitting in the reverse direction seems to add dramatics to the already wandering mind. As I look at this text in wordpad, the scenes outside run out fast against the corner of my cornea, filling me with a sensation like am leaving time behind and leaping into the future. Ofcourse, like life itself, this is a mental illusion, but sometimes the matrix world rocks. Quite involuntarily, I play Newyork Nagaram in winamp and live through the song. That just seems to be the best thing to do and befits the situation. Ofcourse, I enqueue Desert Rose for next.

The sky is an orange tinge with the setting sun spreading its last rays across - almost synonymous with a dying lover trying his level best to hold on to the life of his soulmate. What a pessimistic portrait of an amazing scenery! But that's how the mind plays tricks with us, negative thoughts springing up in the most wonderful circumstances. The train snails into katpadi to unload another bunch of tired human bodies and to take onboard people returning home after the day's work.

Why I started to write this, I dont know. The past week has been quite hectic making a bigtime UI change (look and feel). I had to recode the layout of almost around 15 screens and it was not an easy job as i thought, but was thoroughly enjoyable. Playing around with java is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. I seem to thrive in it. One other place where I feel so much excitement as coding in java is when I get into any form of running water. These two are stuffs that I can relate to almost instantaeneously. I tried skimming through a few docs and even tried reading 'Thinking in java' by Bruce Eckel again. But that's when the sun started setting in the west and spread out its orange light on me, reminding there are greater things in life. I just know there are better things but am not able to identify what they are. One day, I will. Travel is definitely one such, have to do it more.

I am feeling lonely, but that is not something new these days. Am lonely most of the time, musing over what is happening with my life in a yet-to-be-explored-part of my heart. I am becoming numb and indifferent to most of the things that happen around. Probably, I am hardening. Or learning? Whatever!

I am going to pondicherry tomorrow to help my friends in event management of a music show that is going to be held in Alliance Francais. It has been almost 8 years since I went to pondy, so kinda looking forward though I wont get much time to look around.

Oh god! Reality strikes. I have to deal with the latest tryst in my project development, but that has to wait for atleast another 2 days. Chennai is still about 2 hours away. Nothing in store there either. Life is mundane and routine, the type I dont like. I am ready to adapt and advent into new stuffs, but when will life call?

Enough of mokkai, I just thought I will let my fingers wander over the QWERTY keyboard and it has produced this almost immediate memory dump of my brain. Will continue from Pondy.

keep smilin,